I Didn't Want You As A Mirror

from Ignore What's Missing by GILT

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lyrics

There’s a point where looking for answers
Becomes more of a habit and less of a comfort
I checked all the locks in my house and then it flooded

I know they say possessions can be replaced
But then why are photographs so effective?
Are memories made collecting or collected?

Not to complain but sometimes it gets depressing
How almost your entire skillset is investments your parents made
Almost 20 years before they knew who you’d want to be

I know it’s petty but I’d love to be reimbursed
For all the extra years you’ll get to spend with her
Cause I didn’t have the tools or words at the time
To articulate a complex situation

I didn’t want you as a mirror
Because I only saw myself from my own perspective
Where I could frame any affection as penance
If I could do it all again, I’d probably just make different mistakes
In new and almost impressive ways
So I try not to dwell on who I was at the start
It’s still growth if it’s growing apart

I scavenged most of my discernable traits
Off the corpse of someone who looked a lot like me
And I don’t think I’m as ashamed of that as I should be
Cause I never paid much attention to how it all panned out for him
He’s gone now, and I’ve got to live with it

You were kept like literature
Like a catalog or scripture
To be picked up and quoted and put back down
Or like a diary left out
Not learned from, just learned about

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from Ignore What's Missing, released August 21, 2020

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